Veteran actor, Chika Okpala a.k.a. Zebrudaya, of the rested New Masquerade, talks about his fatherhood journey with MOTUNRAYO JOEL.
How would you define who is a father?
A father is the head of a family and his role is to provide for his family. As a father, I have been given a mandate by God to protect the people He placed in my care. I have to meet up with their demands, provide food, shelter and clothing for them. I also have to provide financial resources needed to meet their other needs. Many men have been fortunate to bear the name ‘father,’ but very few of them know the role of a father.
Over the years, what experience remains the most memorable to you as a father?
A number of experiences remain memorable to me but the one that remains special to me was the day my first child was born. I still remember all that transpired that day. I had to rush my wife to the hospital when she went into labour. On getting there, I got a call from the office to report for duty. Sadly, I had to leave my wife in the hospital. It was a painful thing to do but I had no other choice. I really wanted to stay by her side, but as the saying goes, ‘when duty calls, you obey.’ I didn’t get to see my family until after a day or two. But before leaving the hospital, I ensured she was in good hands. The nurses and doctors on duty gave the assurance that all would be well with her and to God be the glory, she gave birth.
Did the experience affect you emotionally?
What I learnt was that when duty calls, one has no other choice than to obey. As long as the life of the person (in the hospital or wherever) is not threatened, one should not give one’s boss any reason to be away from work. This is one area I think youths of today have failed to understand. I work with them, so I know how they behave. Many times, I hear all sorts of flimsy excuses on why they have to be absent from work. If I had stayed behind at the hospital and given my boss an excuse, how would I have paid for her hospital bills? Moreover, the hospital management didn’t allow me into the ward, where my wife was to put to bed. As a man, there are times one has to put one’s emotion aside and do what is necessary.
When your children were young, how did you assist your wife in caring for them?
I used to bathe them in the evenings, though I was not always at home. The nature of my job kept me busy most times. I was a film producer; I had to constantly travel to pick up scripts and get people to rehearse the scripts. But whenever I came home, I would assist my wife in bathing our children. I also used to make light meals such as rice and eba, when they returned home from school. I derived pleasure in cooking for them. Whenever I was away on location, my mother-in-law was around to assist my wife in taking care of our children.
Now that your children are grown, do you cook for your wife?
I cook once in a year, on October 1. There is a native meal I love to make for my family. They always look forward to my dish. I take delight in making the dish. I use the meal to celebrate Nigeria’s independence. It is always a wonderful experience on such days; I have my children and grandchildren with me.
How do you spoil your wife?
I do everything possible to pamper her. I may not be financially buoyant but I try to provide for almost all her needs. Whenever I’m out of the house for a long time, I take her out to eat when I return home. I also buy her gifts whenever I travel out of the country. I have an understanding wife. She is extremely supportive too.
What is the most valuable gift you gave her?
I bought her a Sienna bus which I still maintain for her up till now. This is one gift she still cherishes; it has helped her movement to and fro work. I also built a house in her name. If anything should happen to me, she does not have to worry about house rent. I believe a house is a good investment.
How has fatherhood changed you?
Being a father comes with responsibilities one must meet. As a father, one has no excuse not to provide for one’s family. A father must be a role model to his children. Once I became a father, I had to let go of some things. Aside from my responsibilities at home, I have ambassadorial duties which I must fulfill. These responsibilities, I believe, were given to me because of my character and ways of life. If I was a terrible father, no company would have made me its ambassador. For example, I’m the ambassador of lepers in Nigeria. Our main job is to make sure that we curb the discrimination and stigma against lepers. I believe fatherhood makes one more responsible.
Your two children are adults now and out of your house. What would you have loved to do differently as a father?
There is nothing I would have done differently. The only thing I would probably put more emphasis on is ensuring they become successful persons in future, which they already are. I would encourage them more. As a parent, one cannot get tired of advising one’s children. Even when they (children) are mature and out of one’s house, one still has to continue to guard them.
Do you still spend time with your kids?
They are all grown up but once in a while, I visit them or they come to spend holidays with me. Even though they are both adults now, I still take them out for dinner when they come to visit and I buy them gifts whenever I travel abroad. A father will always be a father.
How did you discipline your children when they erred?
I was quite strict on them especially when they went out of the house to play. I ensured they played within the confines of my compound. I do not like it when a child goes out of his parent’s house to play. Whenever they misbehaved, I corrected them verbally. There were times I beat them.
How tough was it raising your children?
It is a tough task, as a parent, one cannot meet all the demands of one’s children. I trained my children to be content with what life throws at them and appreciative too. I made sure that they didn’t grow up to envy other children. One of the values I cherish most is hard work. I am a hard-working man; I do not tolerate laziness. My children say they have not come across anybody who is as hard working as I am. The word laziness is not in my vocabulary.
I made sure that I trained my children to be hard-working too. I also taught them how to be independent and not always depend on us (parents) for everything. Instilling all these values in them did not come easy. This made me to say that raising children is not an easy task.
With your busy schedule, do you find time to relax?
I do not joke with my rest time. I believe that when one works hard, one should rest well. My style of relaxation is to spend time with my wife at a place the Igbo call ‘obi’ with a newspaper and a bottle of water or fresh fruit in my hand.
